MEN! UGH!

I am so frustrated right now... here is why...

John wakes up at 4am and gets himself ready for work... so i'm guessing he rolls outta bed at 4:15, goes pee, brushes his teeth, puts his contacts in, gets dressed, and walks out the door. Then he's usually home between 11am-2pm at the very very latest.

Me... (the mom who sits on her ass all day)... wakes up at 4am because I heard an alarm go off... doze back off for a half hour.. wake up with Thing 2.... get him back to sleep for an hour... wake up with Thing 2 two more times in a 30 minute period because he feels the need to drink a gallon of milk before he falls back asleep this time.... then doze off for a very short while... THEN my alarm goes off at 7.
I get up, go pee, put in contacts, jump in the shower for a very fast shower, get out and dry off, put on make up or atleast attempt to before Thing 2 wakes up for yet another refill on his milk addiction, brush my teeth, dry hair, straighten hair, let the dogs outside, attempt to wake up Thing 1 about 6 different times, fix her breakfast while trying to keep her quiet so she doesnt wake up Thing 2... (I need him to sleep so I can get us ready first or else we have a screaming tantrum alllllllll morning long until we get to Thing 1's school.) Oh, but wait... Thing 2 just woke up... screaming begins.... fight Thing 1 to get dressed, brush her teeth, do her hair, find her coat hat and gloves that I swear I had laid out the night before but Kung Foo Kitty goes Krazy in the middle of the night and dragged it off to God only knows... I then get Thing 2 some food and clean up a few messes from that and then start the Karate session of getting him dressed. THEN... oh this is my favorite part.. THEN I get to finally get dressed while Thing 2 is screaming at me and holding onto my leg, chucking toys at my head, spilling his milk all over the floor, hitting his sister, and listening to Thing 1 and Thing 2 battle out whatever it is they have goin on in the other room, etc. Finally, out the door we go... almost... first we gotta fight over who gets to unlock the door and be the first one out. Now to the car... Thing 2 is Screaming, hitting, and refusing to buckle up... got him in with his milk and monkey... then go around and get Thing 1 in her seat.. MAJOR MELTDOWN from thing 1 cause she forgot something inside... I run in to rescue it and make that all better... then to her school we go!... Take Thing 1 and Thing 2 inside and drop off Thing 1... Me and Thing 2 give her hugs and kisses and I fight Thing 2 out of the paint they have sitting right by the door for parents like me with little Things that tag along in the mornings and go fight him back into the car... oh the kicks this kid can make while buckling him into his seat is pretty amazing... now that my hair is messed up, im sweating, and I look like complete hell... I take him clear across town to drop him off with his babysitter.. once that is done... I can finally start my day... Off to school I go, without breakfast, and I wont get to see food until 5pm.... & I'll have to cook that too... & clean up... & bathe the kids or atleast bitch to someone that the kids need a bath... (sometimes If I start slamming cupboard doors or stomping through the house like im seriously out of breath he takes a hint and jumps up to do that... other times I just give up and say give the kids a bath they're disgusting and that works too... but usually with a "UGH Jesus Christ" first...) anyways if I dont have school though then just back up to where we fight Thing 2 to getting back into the car and we then come home to more screaming while mommy cleans up the morning disaster we left behind and then we sit down to play or cuddle which either way leads to one meltdown after another cause god forbid this kid learn english so he can just tell me what he wants!

THEN, after all that supper stuff and cleaning up and bathing yada yada... I may just go hide in the bathroom and soak in the tub for 30 minutes because "Sitting on my ass" all day wore me out just a tiny bit and I need to get my Sanity back... I then get out of the shower to notice the Thing I married is in bed quietly on his phone with all lights in the house turned off (which is seriously amazing cause usually every light in the house is left on) and so I turn on the lights and I look around to see the pre-bedtime disaster I now have to clean up, before I can sit down and concentrate on the 2 hours of homework I have while getting up with Thing 2 a few times before I can finally get to bed... but as SOON as I lay my head on the pillow Thing 2 is crying yet again and this time makes his way into our bedroom so I can have 2-3 inches of my bed to sleep on all night while being kicked, hit, drooled on, etc.


You just gotta love us Moms who do nothing but "Sit on our asses all day" huh? FML I give up. I'm out.