This to shall pass..

I'm not doing so hot on this blog thing. Life is just nuts lately.

I finally got my new studio set up. I bought a new lens for my camera, studio lights, backdrops, props, etc.. my pictures have improved so much! I'm loving it! So much to learn still though.. photography is a never ending learning experience.. and thats what keeps it exciting for me. However, I still miss the outdoors and can't wait for more nice weather! Today was just beautiful. I didn't want it to end. After breakfast, I took the kids outside and we literally spent the whole day out there playing. From like 10am-6pm.. we did take a quick trip to Walmart to buy some bubbles and sidewalk chalk though =) Oh, and we're also looking into buying a nice wooden swingset. Right now we have one of those metal ones.. they suck. Cami can't ever swing high enough and anyone who has ever been on a metal swing set knows what happens when you get to high... off the ground it goes!
We signed Cami up for Tumbling and T-Ball. I know she'll continue to do great at tumbling but I'm a little nervous about T-Ball. It's all new to her and she has a tendency to be very shy around new people. John's gonna coach though so I think she'll do alright. We bought her all the gear and have been practicing out in the back yard. She sure can hit that ball pretty good! She's got an arm on her as well. We're both very impressed. We needed a few fun activities for her since her needy little brother takes up so much of our time these days. I swear the Colic is back! =/

Collin is now 10 months old. I can't believe his 1st birthday is almost here. He'll be walking in no time. I know he can't wait for that. His eye is always on big sis! He LOVES to follow her around the house and play in her room with her. I love watching them bond. He's been quite the trouble maker though lately. He's constantly in the dog food, trash can, toilet, toilet paper... you name it! Not to mention he still doesn't sleep through the night and fights sleep more than any child I have ever known.

Cami started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old. Collin on the other hand is 10 months old and wakes up pretty much every 1-2 hours SCREAMING and then its quite the fight to get him back down. I am physically and mentally exhausted. I hate to say it but I often times just dread being around him. I have no idea what's wrong with him or how to change it and that is the most frusterating thing about parenting. He has been having issues with his ears lately though and we will be going to an ENT later this month. I am not sure if that is the root of the problem or what. Sometimes I think it is cause he is always pulling at his ears and shaking his head but then when it just comes time to put him to bed he starts screaming at the top of his lungs.. so that part of me thinks its just the fighting sleep thing.. then of course he wants to be held the whole time he sleeps and as soon as you put him down he either wakes up right away or within the hour.

I feel like a bad mom. I feel lost. I feel depressed/unhappy. I feel like I dont even know who I am anymore. Being stressed to the max and sleep deprived can do a number on ones body thats for sure. I feel like such a negative person anymore. I hate that. I want to be a happy positive person but it's so hard to do that with everything I have on my plate. I feel like I always have to prove myself to people. I need to stop caring what others think. I never used to care so why now???!!! I think alot of it has to do with Facebook. I have lost alot of friends because of Facebook.. but then again I have gained new ones. Sometimes though, I feel like that is my only way of having a social life and that's kinda sad/pathetic.

Becoming a mom really does change every aspect of a person. Alot of people don't agree with my ways.. and that is fine with me.. I research everything and give my kids what I think is best. Parent's who dont research though I guess feel as if I think I'm better than them and are quick to judge me. I have very strong opinions on my ways just like they have strong opinions on theirs. Agree to disagree and move on.. how hard is that? I think facebook has ruined alot of relationships I have with people.. mainly because of the parenting issues... as im typing this and thinking about it all though... I think I will be deleting my facebook. I'll keep my business page because that is how I promote it the most.. but my personal page needs to go. When im stressed and angry I vent through a status update which reflects bad on me.. I post links to articles I find interesting and that gets taken the wrong way by many.. It's just becoming annoying in my daily life.. It's to addicting.. I love being able to keep in touch with people and watch everyones kids grow up and share the same interests with some.. but I think by deleting facebook, I'll find out who my true friends are. I bet I'll have maybe 2 or 3 who actually take that extra step to keep in touch...



God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.