Happy 1st Birthday Collin!!

To my amazing little boy..

You and I went through a rough pregnancy together. You must have been so anxious to be in my arms that you were trying to come out as early as 22 weeks. We had an overnight stay in the hospital to monitor the contractions and was sent home to be on partial bed rest which ended up being full time bedrest later on. However, it was just you, me and sissy while daddy finished up his duties in the Air Force so I prayed you would take it easy on me and hold off til he got home while we took care of sis.
Daddy finally got out of the Air Force and you decided to stay put even after he returned home. In fact, you decided to stay put an extra 3 days past your due date. It was 3:30am on May 4th that I was woken up with quite the surprise. My water had broke and I dont think I had ever, pregnant or not, jumped out of bed so fast! Before I went to bed that night I had a gut feeling that this was going to be the night so I packed my hospital bag and sure enough I was right. So I took a shower and went to the hospital around 5am. Grandma took sissy to daycare for us and then joined us in the hospital.
When we arrived to the hospital I was only a 1cm dilated like I had been for weeks. After a couple hours and no progress they started us on Pitocin. That made the contractions so frequent I could hardly breathe which ended up with me getting that amazing epidural. I was checked again at 4cm then I decided to take a little nap while I was pain free. Daddy got hungry of course so he went to go grab some food. I woke up less than an hour later and and had the doctors check me again cause I had a feeling you were ready. They werent expecting you until much later that afternoon. However, you were right there and ready. Daddy came back to the room and was a little disappointed that he didnt have time to eat his food lol. I called Aunt Tiffy and she rushed over to be there with us as well.
Mommy's no wimp and sure wasn't gonna mess around with this birthing stuff and I got you out as fast as I could. The doctor & nurses were impressed. After what seemed like just a few minutes of pushing there you were. You entered this world on May 4th, 2010 at 1:46pm weighing in at 9 pounds 1 ounce and was 22 inches long. I was a little shocked by how big you were considering your sister was only 6 pounds. You were very blue in the face because you came so fast but you were blue and beautiful. I had so many thoughts and emotions at that point I can't even describe. I was now a mother of 2 amazing children and I had the best of both worlds.. I had a prince and a princess =) Daddy, Grandma, Aunt Tiffy, Heather & Danielle were all there for your arrival. Papa Bainter and Big Sissy came soon after. Sissy's face was priceless when she saw you. She had been waiting for what seemed like years to her to meet you. In fact, she chose your name. We gave her several choices and Collin it was. Your middle name, James, is after your Great Grandpa Jim and your Uncle Tim (middle name), and your Great Uncle Jimmy on your dads side. Sissy couldn't wait to take you home to hold you, feed you, change your diapers, etc. She loves you sooo much!! You have been blessed with the best big sister a little brother could ever ask for.
Our first year together has been quite the learning experience and full of milestones for both of us. We learned to breastfeed and have made it through the first year now. I am so proud to have been given the strength to give you the best milk possible. It wasn't always easy and there were many times I wanted to give up but I pushed through the tough times for you. We learned all about natural health. We learned about the benefits of chiropractic care instead of drugs. We learned about baby wearing. "If I can't hear your heartbeat.. you're to far away"...that quote fits you perfectly. Even now that you're walking, you are still sure to keep me in sight at all times. You're my little shadow. After a bad experience with your sister being vaccinated, we learned more about the toxic vaccines and have battled the pushy doctors to keep the immune system god gave you. We didnt have to worry about SIDS, Acid Reflux, etc because you are a very healthy little boy free of toxins and all that other yucky stuff. The only 'health' problems you had was the middle ear infection issue that was an easy fix. You are living proof to all those who are against our choices with so many things. We learned how to make baby food which then led to learning about baby led weaning since you weren't a fan of the mushy stuff. I don't blame you though =)
You rolled over at 3 months old, got your first tooth at 4 months old, started scooting and sitting up on your own at 6 months old, pulling up and crawling at 7 months old, standing at 9 months old, first steps at 10 months old, and walking at 11 months old.
You have grown SO much this year and together we have accomplished so many things. I'll admit, I was scared to have a boy and never thought I'd enjoy having a boy as much as I did a girl but we have a bond like no other and I wouldn't change anything for the world. You are Mommy's Little Big Man!! I love you so much and look forward to the toddler years and all the fun things to come. Happy First Birthday Collin James!!!

Finally, SLEEP!

We went to the ENT on March 28th for Collin & the doctor highly reccomended tubes in the ears for him. The week prior to this visit was pure hell to be honest. Collin could NOT stop rubbing his ears. Poor guy was absolutely miserable and he was up ever half hour to an hour at night. John and I were so exhausted and I felt terrible for my little man being in so much pain and discomfort.
We were lucky enough to be scheduled for surgery on March 30th. I was amazed at how fast we were able to get that scheduled.. I figured we'd have to wait atleast another month. I was pretty nervous for Collin to be taken into surgery. I wanted to be with him.. right by his side.. holding his little hand.. but couldn't. They gave him Versed about 20 minutes before surgery. It was sad yet kind of funny. Before he had that he was screaming cause he was tired and hungry (wasn't allowed to eat for 12 hours before surgery) and wouldn't let me set him down. Once the meds kicked in he was so laid back and out of it. I think he had a smile on his face the whole time. He kept touching my face and looking at me eye to eye. It was sweet but I know it was just the meds haha. The normal Collin would have been jumping up and down on my lap, squeeling, and slapping my face! lol.
Anyways, the docs came in and as he was laying on his hospital bed then wheeled him away for surgery... I watched him go all the way down the hall until I couldn't see him anymore. He just layed there and was looking at all the docs around him that were pushing the bed. I wanted to cry. I should have been right next to him but I knew it was just a matter of minutes til I could hold him again.
I went to the waiting room and sat down... 12 minutes later I was being called back because the surgery was done and he was awake and hungry! I hurried back there and fed him and rocked him. We were released after he was done eating. We went back to the hotel and he slept for a couple hours. When he woke up he was very happy and ready to go so we went shopping around Quincy so he could get tired again for the ride home. He ended up sleeping the whole way home as well.
Since the surgery, Collin only wakes up once or twice a night for a very quick feeding then he is back out. It's amazing getting sleep again.. I was beginning to think all hope was lost in that department but the most important thing is that my little man is feeling so much better. He is no longer in pain and discomfort. He's finally able to sleep which has made him a much happier baby.. and has made mommy and daddy much happier too lol. His balance also improved immediately. He started taking a couple steps here and there a few days after the surgery but now just two weeks later he is all over the place!! I am just so happy for him. He's quite the little trooper. We go back to the ENT for a check up on Monday and in two weeks we'll be celebrating his FIRST BIRTHDAY!!!

This to shall pass..

I'm not doing so hot on this blog thing. Life is just nuts lately.

I finally got my new studio set up. I bought a new lens for my camera, studio lights, backdrops, props, etc.. my pictures have improved so much! I'm loving it! So much to learn still though.. photography is a never ending learning experience.. and thats what keeps it exciting for me. However, I still miss the outdoors and can't wait for more nice weather! Today was just beautiful. I didn't want it to end. After breakfast, I took the kids outside and we literally spent the whole day out there playing. From like 10am-6pm.. we did take a quick trip to Walmart to buy some bubbles and sidewalk chalk though =) Oh, and we're also looking into buying a nice wooden swingset. Right now we have one of those metal ones.. they suck. Cami can't ever swing high enough and anyone who has ever been on a metal swing set knows what happens when you get to high... off the ground it goes!
We signed Cami up for Tumbling and T-Ball. I know she'll continue to do great at tumbling but I'm a little nervous about T-Ball. It's all new to her and she has a tendency to be very shy around new people. John's gonna coach though so I think she'll do alright. We bought her all the gear and have been practicing out in the back yard. She sure can hit that ball pretty good! She's got an arm on her as well. We're both very impressed. We needed a few fun activities for her since her needy little brother takes up so much of our time these days. I swear the Colic is back! =/

Collin is now 10 months old. I can't believe his 1st birthday is almost here. He'll be walking in no time. I know he can't wait for that. His eye is always on big sis! He LOVES to follow her around the house and play in her room with her. I love watching them bond. He's been quite the trouble maker though lately. He's constantly in the dog food, trash can, toilet, toilet paper... you name it! Not to mention he still doesn't sleep through the night and fights sleep more than any child I have ever known.

Cami started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old. Collin on the other hand is 10 months old and wakes up pretty much every 1-2 hours SCREAMING and then its quite the fight to get him back down. I am physically and mentally exhausted. I hate to say it but I often times just dread being around him. I have no idea what's wrong with him or how to change it and that is the most frusterating thing about parenting. He has been having issues with his ears lately though and we will be going to an ENT later this month. I am not sure if that is the root of the problem or what. Sometimes I think it is cause he is always pulling at his ears and shaking his head but then when it just comes time to put him to bed he starts screaming at the top of his lungs.. so that part of me thinks its just the fighting sleep thing.. then of course he wants to be held the whole time he sleeps and as soon as you put him down he either wakes up right away or within the hour.

I feel like a bad mom. I feel lost. I feel depressed/unhappy. I feel like I dont even know who I am anymore. Being stressed to the max and sleep deprived can do a number on ones body thats for sure. I feel like such a negative person anymore. I hate that. I want to be a happy positive person but it's so hard to do that with everything I have on my plate. I feel like I always have to prove myself to people. I need to stop caring what others think. I never used to care so why now???!!! I think alot of it has to do with Facebook. I have lost alot of friends because of Facebook.. but then again I have gained new ones. Sometimes though, I feel like that is my only way of having a social life and that's kinda sad/pathetic.

Becoming a mom really does change every aspect of a person. Alot of people don't agree with my ways.. and that is fine with me.. I research everything and give my kids what I think is best. Parent's who dont research though I guess feel as if I think I'm better than them and are quick to judge me. I have very strong opinions on my ways just like they have strong opinions on theirs. Agree to disagree and move on.. how hard is that? I think facebook has ruined alot of relationships I have with people.. mainly because of the parenting issues... as im typing this and thinking about it all though... I think I will be deleting my facebook. I'll keep my business page because that is how I promote it the most.. but my personal page needs to go. When im stressed and angry I vent through a status update which reflects bad on me.. I post links to articles I find interesting and that gets taken the wrong way by many.. It's just becoming annoying in my daily life.. It's to addicting.. I love being able to keep in touch with people and watch everyones kids grow up and share the same interests with some.. but I think by deleting facebook, I'll find out who my true friends are. I bet I'll have maybe 2 or 3 who actually take that extra step to keep in touch...



God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Cheerleading

Cami asked me today if we could go see the cheerleaders again and it just so happens the Macomb Bombers had a home basketball game tonight. We had no other plans so we made it a date to go watch cheerleaders and basketball! The girl is destined to be a cheerleader. If she's not dressed up as a Princess shes dressed up as a Cheerleader running through the house yelling GO BOMBERS GO! Gotta love her! She knows 3 or 4 of the bomber cheers already and is dying to be put up in a lift not to mention her toe touch is pretty impressive for a 4 year old.  She looks up to her cousin Danielle!

I have never left Collin with anyone other than family but tonight was the night... we hired a babysitter! I was nervous for about the first hour cause I know how much he fights bedtime but Amber did it! I'm impressed. Not that I didnt trust her.. just the simple fact that Collin went down so easy for her. Why do kids give their parents such a hard time but are complete angels for everyone else!? I just dont get it. I brought the kid into this world therefore, he should go easy on mom but nooooo..doesnt work that way.

I am so glad we got to take Cam outta the house though. Sometimes I feel like she gets cheated. It's hard having a second child and balancing the attention between the two. Collin has been a very needy baby since day 1. Cami is such a sport though. She helps us out alot but there are times you can see the frustration in her eyes.. sometimes I can tell shes dying to scream enough is enough.. I feel her pain because I am too at times. Collin still doesnt consistently sleep through the night. In fact, he's up probably 5 times a night..sometimes more.. once in a while less. John and I are tired. Energy is low for us and high for Cami. We need to get her out more. Her and I used to be the bestest friends and did something fun everyday.. now, not so much. We're stuck in the house alot more and because it's winter it makes it worse because we can't even go jump on the trampoline or swing on the swingset in the backyard. It also doesnt help that she goes to school from 12-2:30.. right in the middle of our day so getting together with friends for a playdate makes it rough.

With that said, Cami is the bestest big sister and her little brother absolutely adores her. Those two just melt my heart when they play together. Collin and I are always up before Cami in the mornings. The minute she walks outta her room Collin's eyes light up and the biggest smile is put on his face with of course the loud squeal. With her eyes barely open, she smiles and says "Hiiii baby boy! Sissy loves you!" Moments like this make the sleepless nights so worth it.

Cami is Collin's biggest cheerleader. When he learned to roll over she was right there clapping her hands with an exciting "Yayyy!!!"... when he was trying to crawl she was right down there on the ground cheering him on.. "C'mon Collin you can do it.. go buddy go!".. and now he's trying to walk.. she holds his hands and helps him around the living room.. "Good job buddy you're doing it!!!" I absolutely LOVE being a mom! I am hoping I forget about how needy this boy is in a couple years and we can have a third. Children really are God's greatest gift and I have been blessed with two of the most amazing gifts ever!

This is me..

Hi. I'm Candace. I am a wife to John, a mother to Camryn & Collin, a straight A student in college, and a weekend photographer.  We have 3 fur babies - Ace, the mutt, we bought him from some old people in walmart parking lot.. we think he is part basenji and part shiba-inu.. yeah, google it... he's my boy though. Then we have Wrigley the pug puppy... yes as in Wrigley Field... we also bought him from a parking lot off some random people selling pugs.. John has always loved pugs so of course I couldn't just drive by the cute little wrinkled faced creature and forget about him. Oh, then we have this cat named Chloe... John and Cami went to go get their hair cut one day and next thing I know they walk through the door with a kitten in their hands.. apparently they made a trip to Pet Land and Cami just HAD to have her. So, we have a house full to say the least and our lives are pretty hectic as well.. but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my life and everyone in it!


I am kind of health freak/holistic mom. I research EVERYTHING that has to do with my childrens health and safety. They are both in the safest carseats and buckled up correctly. I believe in extrended rear facing. I breastfeed, use cloth diapers, baby wear, & co-sleep.  I would love to say that both my kids are vaccine free but unfortunately I didnt do that kind of research til after my daughter was 3.. with that said, Camryn is partially vax'd and Collin is vax free. I have become very passionate in the vaccine research and I encourage all parents to educate before they vaccinate. I'll go into more detail later.. thats a promise.. but back to me... 


As I said before, I am a photographer (http://www.candacehowephotography.com/) . I've always loved photography.. it runs in the family (moms side). I love love love black and white pictures. I stay at home with my babies during the day, attend school at night & online, and do photoshoots on the weekends. I'm not huge into professional sports (or atleast watching them on tv) but I know I am supposed to support the Chicago Bears for football and Chicago Cubs for baseball. I'm horrible with writing about myself so basically my days are long, nights are short, weekends fly by and sometimes I just need to vent to keep my sanity.. so this is my blog. This is my place in space to say what I want to say and if someone doesn't like it they dont have to read it! This is the freedom of a stay at home mom.. this is my 'me' time.. (ha!).. this is me. Welcome =)